Let’s face it:

moms are constantly tied up with kids and chores, so it’s not always easy to make new friends. In fact, it can feel straight-up impossible if you’re an introvert or if you’ve just moved here from another state.

On top of this, first-time moms are not really encouraged to socialize. Right after my daughter was born, I was told that newborns lack immunity, and I should avoid crowds. I was also told to police the hand washing of anyone who got within eyesite of my baby. I took this advice seriously, and pretty soon, I had isolated myself straight into depression. 

Now, 10 years later, I have found incredible mom friends, and I am a firm believer that all parents need support. Every mom deserves a friend who packs extra wet wipes and snacks, commiserates the hard days, celebrates the milestones, and sends mood-boosting memes at the perfect moment.

Every mom should have BFFs, but forming these relationships can be challenging. So, I asked 50 local moms, “how did you find your bestie?” Here are the most helpful stories and tips.  

Speak Up!

First, the bad news: to make friends, you must peel away from your smartphone and talk to someone. 

YouGov polled 1,200 people and asked why it’s difficult to make friends. “I’m shy” was the top response. When you overcome shyness, you can make friends almost anywhere. In fact, 38% of poll respondents said they’d met friends by chatting with others in a cafe or park. 

Xina from Elbridge used that strategy. She talked to women around town, from the playground to the doctors’ office.

“When I meet someone new, I just tell them I’m trying to make new friends, and it seems that all are receptive,” she said. 

So, ditch your social anxiety and strike up a conversation. You will probably receive a positive response. 

Look Nearby

After high school and college, most adults become friends with co-workers or neighbors because they are seeing the same people frequently. In fact, a professor from the University of Kansas conducted a study of newly-relocated adults and found that it takes between 40 and 60 hours of interaction for an acquaintance to become a friend. 

Jessica from Weedsport found her first friend in CNY when she brought her kids to a pumpkin patch near her home. Her military family had recently moved to the area, and she was eager to meet friends. She discovered that the mom who owned the patch had kids, and they sparked a friendship by planning playdates.

From city streets to rural fields, everyone has neighbors, and it doesn’t take a pumpkin patch to track them down. Sometimes, you just need to hang out on your front lawn. That’s how Kristen from Syracuse found her bestie.

“My parents were visiting and spending a lot of time outside with my two-year-old raking leaves,” Kristen said. “Turns out my dad kept seeing a family walking around our block that he thought I should meet. I invited [them] over for a play date, and it was the start of a beautiful friendship.”

If you don’t have a yard, you can find people at nearby parks, library story time, or community events. There’s also a friend-finding app for moms called Peanut, and I encountered six local women who had a great experience using the app. Of course, it doesn’t work for everyone, and a few moms said they used the app and didn’t have any success. If you try it, remember to follow the safety recommendations and meet in public places.  

Join Groups and Programs

Many women find friends through community groups and programs. You might not make friends immediately, but keep going and eventually you might form bonds. Here are the organizations and activities that moms recommend. 

•  Kids’ classes including gymnastics, dance, or karate

•  Church social events

•  Volunteer programs like CNY Diaper Bank or Haven at Skanda

•  Postpartum hospital programs 

•  Parent associations at schools 

•  Book clubs at libraries or bookstores

•  Parent and child programs like Play 2 Learn or Bluebird Music Together

•  Playgroups found on Facebook 

•  Workout groups like Syracuse Bike Party or CNY Pickleball

Stay Motivated!

Moms love to stay in touch with their friends via text groups, and there’s usually an energetic planner who arranges gatherings.

“I’ve organized moms’ night out gatherings, a book club, and even a Galentine’s Day roller skating party,” said Melissa, a mom from Dewitt. “Life is too short to solely concentrate on home or work life.”

Women like this are true unicorns. They charm together a group and magically get everyone out of the house by conjuring up activities. I know it sounds like a fairy tale, but these individuals really do exist. When you find them, be sure to show appreciation for their efforts.

“It takes work to be the organizer,” Melissa said. “This work and the extra responsibility of ‘momming’ friends is hard, but I enjoy it when friends are easygoing and help with the organizing efforts.”

If you can’t find an organizer, you can always do it yourself, like Tiffini from Port Byron who built a list of connections and then tried to bring everyone together.

“I had met a few different moms through Facebook mom groups and in real life, so one day I just threw them all into a group chat,” Tiffini said. “They added people, and at one point it had over 40 people, so we converted it to a small Facebook group for whoever didn’t want a group chat. That was four years ago, and the group chats are still going strong. I have an awesome village.”